turtle love

I have been told, by a very reliable source, that “Turtle Blues” by Janis Joplin is my theme song. These are the lyrics.

Ah, I’m a mean, mean woman
And I don’t mean no one man, no good, no.
I’m a mean, mean woman,
I don’t mean no one man, no good.
I just treats ’em like I wants to
I never treats ’em, honey like I should.

Oh, Lord, I once had a daddy,
He said he’d give me everything in sight.
Once had a daddy,
Said he’d give me everything in sight.
Yes, he did
So I said, “Honey, I want the sunshine,
you take the stars out of the night.
Come on and give ’em to me, babe, ’cause I want ’em right now.”

I ain’t the kind of woman
Who’d make your life a bed of ease, ha ha ha ha!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I’m not the kind of woman, no,
To make your life a bed of ease.
Yeah, but if you, if you just wanna go out drinkin’, honey,
Won’t you invite me along please.
Oh, I’ll be so good to ya babe, yeah!
Whoa, go on!

I guess I’m just like a turtle
That’s hidin’ underneath its hardened shell.
Whoa, whoa, oh yeah, like a turtle
Hidin’ underneath its hardened shell.
But you know I’m very well protected –
I know this goddamn life too well.

Oh! Now call me mean, you can call me evil, yeah, yeah,
I’ve been called much of some things around,
Honey, don’t ya know I have!
Whoa, call me mean or call me evil
I’ve been called much of some things, all things around,
Yeah, but I’m gonna take good care of Janis, yeah,
Honey, ain’t no one gonna dog me down.
Alright, yeah.

Bluesy parlance aside, I’d have to say it’s pretty fucking spot on. Anyone who knows me (and really knows me) would ask me if I’d written it myself, just because it’s just so perfect. Every single fucking line of this song is just describing me.

Now this same person, told me that I need a new theme song, because of what happened to dear old Janis. Heroin overdose, oh it happens to the best of us, she’ll be sorely missed. And while her death is tragic it’s also beautiful, because just like with John Lennon, and just like with Bob Marley, and Jimi Hendrix, and Kurt Cobain, their early and unexpected deaths… their mortality, has made them immortal. So yeah, she’s dead in the biological sense. But she’ll never leave this earth.

But I digress.

What kind of person tells you right upfront what kind of person you are, gets it spot on, practically psycho-analyzes you and really just knows you, and then tells you that you need to change? What kind of fucking message is that sending? “You are all these things you shouldn’t be.” “If you don’t change you’ll be dead at 27.” “The way you are is not okay.”

I say fuck that. Fuck changing to please someone. I would never ask anyone to change for me. I might criticize things they do, but I would never ask them to change because I’m not that person. If you’re not okay with the way I am, then fuck you! Find a way to be okay with it, because you’re not worth changing who I am.

I don’t dwell on people like him, though, the one who asked me to change, because I have people that love me for who I am. Before I wasn’t so sure I had that, and now I’m starting to think that I just might. I’ve had the words said to me, “Melissa, I love you because you’re you.”
I can’t even explain how something like that sounds to me, a person with insecurity out the asshole. It’s the kind of thing that makes you want to be around that love always, wrap yourself in it and be cradled in its warmth and security. That’s the kind of love everyone needs. Everyone just needs to love each other for the good and the bad, for the similarities and the differences. Everyone should love each other for just being themselves. Because that is what makes someone truly beautiful, when they are 100% open and honest about who they are and don’t compromise for anyone.

Or maybe that’s what love is. Not when someone asks you to change. But when someone makes you want to change without even asking.

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